If you care about the quality of the marriage you enter into, putting marriage off is good thinkingĬoontz explains what I already know to be anecdotally true, having graduated college in 2008, the year the economy collapsed: both women and men want to be economically and educationally set before they marry – an ambition increasingly harder for a generational cohort facing crippling debt, poor healthcare and an economy where stable career ladders have been replaced by part-time freelance gigs. Focusing on Americans between the ages of 25 and 34, he states that 55% of this age group was married in 2000 but only 40% in 2015. Yet Regnerus claims marriage in the US is in “open retreat”. She points out that the percentage of Americans expected to marry by early middle age – around 80% – is remarkably similar to what it was 50 years ago. “Marriage is not in decline, it is in delay,” says historian Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History and director of research and public education at the Council on Contemporary Families. For him, however, him being the right kind of partner is just as important as finding the right person to partner with. He says the fact that he hasn’t married yet doesn’t mean he won’t in the future. You want the company to grow and be as big as you want it to be: being able to have kids, to go to this country … The process of that building, that’s what I see marriage being about.” “I see marriage as a partnership, almost like a business. I knew he would give me thoughtful answers. Yes, they overlap, but you don’t do one to do the other.” If I were to agree with that, it would also imply that people only get married to have sex. Tim, who never appears to have a lull in enthusiastic female dating partners – all on a steady, respectful roster – answers carefully.
“Tim, are you not married because women are providing sex too easily?” I ask. My favorite conversation, though, was with an unmarried male friend who loves pursuing women, and who has so far resisted the siren call of marriage. I made calls to experts on both sides of the Atlantic. I found the argument dehumanizing to both genders, and decided to explore its veracity. Do people really believe women are responsible for the decline of marriage because we are having sex too much, and men no longer have any incentive to pair up? More astonishing than seeing this theory published in the Wall Street Journal was seeing the degree of viral popularity the article still enjoyed nine months after it was first published.